It's summer! Whats going to happen now?
I feel kinda displaced, i dont really know whats going to happen within the next 2 - 4 weeks!

I really dont think I exactly FIT at evergreen :)

I have all my classes figured out for next year. They are all things I WANT to learn about and do...so Evergreen is working out in that respect.

I've also become an expert on looking for rentals :) 6-12 month lease here I come!

My lifestyle has changed a great deal since spring break. Some good things, some bad..but the bad will work itself out!

I'm ready to freakin party :)

Current Mood: chipper

Last night was good for me.
Me and Cody drank and smoked a million ciggarettes.
We listened to Bright Eyes, just soaking in each song.
He asked me what the worste moment in my life was.
I asked him what he meant.
He said to me, that moment that you could just feel your heart breaking.
I had forgotten. But i cried as i remembered.
These things that happen make us into who were gonna be.
My punishment will always be my guilty conscience.

Current Mood: contemplative

Things are moving and honestly i couldnt ask for more.
At least i'm out there, i'm trying, and in a lot of ways it's working.
I have honestly been waiting for this, so its not a shock.

I am who i am.
I've seen so many things and gone through so many things to be where i am today.
The MOST important thing in my life is EXPRESSION.
How can i be with someone that doesnt understand or agree with MY expression.
Because that all i really am.
I've got nothing if i dont have my indeviduality.
Its the only thing that really makes me balance, sane, just me.
And yea, i may be selfish, i may be pig headed and stuborn, but thats who i am, why would i try to be anything but that?
Its best to be natural.

In the morning it will seem like im over reacting..and mabye i am.
But who cares, thats exactally who i am.
And i shouldnt change for anyone but myself..and i dont want to change just yet.

Current Mood: cold

Honestly, i'm not the most virtuouse person.
I've made "mistakes" and done things i'm not proud of.
I guess thats because i'm not the strogest person there is.
But i'm trying my best to figure myself and the world out and i'm bound to have set backs.
Set backs that i induced myself.
Im trying to find my path, and it always seems like everyone else has their's all figured out.

But i dont want to waste my life feeling bad for mistakes i've made in the past. I dont want to make them again, i need to focus on getting past the past.

& also

I wouldnt regret ripping all the blonde hair out of your heads and bashing your pretty little faces into the cement. Trust me, NONE of you want me to be there when either of those two are there..it wont be pretty. Just because you dont see how back stabing they are doesnt mean i dont and im not interested in pretending. They push it a little more everytime i hear about them. Im about ready to be done son.

Yea, you can say i have anger problems or just problems all you want. But its my truth and i'm more than willing to stand up for it. I've tried talking about it. It didnt help.

Back for the holidays.
Jimbo's birthday was fun.
He got the family guy seasons, so we've been watching them non stop.
Nothing really exciting...

Thanksgiving has been good to me
very very good

:)

Current Mood: In a good way

Bleh, the last two days have been bazaar.
I feel myself pushing myself in a new direction, different from the one i was on, whichever one that may have been.
I go through stages of feeling fine, stages of feeling cynical, and stages of feeling broken hearted. I think thats just normal for this point in life.
Lots of things are changing. I find myself having to constantly push myself out there to people that i dont really know, and thats hard.
~
I'm finaly looking for my own spectacular instead of someone else's and that feels really fulfilling.

I piss myself off a lot.
And i find i just have to wrok through it.
Sometimes i just dont get why i feel the way i do.
I cant commit to things
But i freak out when they arent there.

Basically, it isnt all that bad. Its transition, which is always just a little uncomfortable.

To Remembering insanity.

I just wish there was enough hours in the day to do all the things i need to!

Nothing would make me happier than...2 showers a day.

:)

Current Mood: content